After giving a lecture about the issue of bullying at school, a mother approached me and asked, “One of our kids bullies the other kids in the family. But my husband says he’ll probably grow out of it, and I shouldn’t worry about it. Do you think this is this something to be concerned about?”
That’s a fantastic question, and one many parents grapple with. It’s true, some dismiss bullying behavior within families as harmless sibling rivalry, hoping kids will “grow out of it.” However, renowned psychologist John Gottman highlights a crucial point: a child’s social skills are the strongest predictor of their future well-being. How a child interacts socially with other children can predict the type of adults they will become. Let’s explore why addressing bullying at home is important and offer some tips for parents:
Why You Should Be Concerned:
- Long-Term Impact: Bullying behavior can leave emotional scars on siblings, affecting their self-esteem and social interactions well into adulthood. The target of bullying may experience anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting others.
- Habitual Behavior: Untreated bullying becomes a learned behavior. Children who bully at home are more likely to bully their peers at school and beyond.
- Family Dynamics: A bullying dynamic can create a toxic environment for everyone in the household. Dismissing or excusing bullying on an ongoing basis can send a message to the kids being bullied, that “might makes right”. (See my parenting webinar, Bullying: What Every Parent Needs to Know, for clear definitions of bullying as opposed to harmless teasing)
What Parents Can Do:
- Validate the Target’s Feelings: Acknowledge the pain your child feels from being bullied. Let them know it’s not okay and you will help them.
- Set Clear Expectations: Establish a zero-tolerance policy for bullying at home. Define bullying behavior (put-downs, name-calling, threats) and explain the consequences.
- Open Communication: Encourage open communication between siblings. Help them express their needs and frustrations constructively.
- Focus on Positive Interactions: Create opportunities for positive interactions between siblings. Plan activities they can enjoy together and celebrate moments where they cooperate.
- Seek Professional Help: If the bullying is severe or you’re struggling to manage it, consider seeking parenting advice from a Coach, who can provide strategies for effective communication and conflict resolution within the family.
Remember, addressing bullying behavior early on can create a more positive and nurturing environment for all your children. And don’t we want our all our children to grow up to be kind, compassionate and empathic adults?