Malka Miller still keeps a collection close to her heart – the stories of people she’s known who were the unfortunate targets of bullying during their childhood years. For instance, there’s Bonnie (the names and places in the stories have been changed to respect the contributor’s anonymity), who nowhas both grown children and grandchildren, but still remembers vividly her 10th grade experiences over 30 years ago. Bonnie was repeatedly bullied and embarrassed in front of other students on her way to school. Even more painful than the embarrassment for Bonnie was the fact that no one who witnessed her being bullied came to her aid or protested the way she was being treated. Malka Miller, MEd, MSEd, founded a school program called Team Magic. The program tries to address the root causes behind the behavior of both the bully and the one being bullied, by teaching conflict resolution skills. “My program starts in the younger grades and it teaches students skills in a fun and easy way,” Miller told The Jewish Press. “Unfortunately, a lot of the traditional training is somewhat ineffective and sometimes can cause even more pain for the target of the bully and doesn’t really help the situation. At Team Magic, there is no emphasis on one child being more dysfunctional than the other – there is no blaming or shaming a child for their behavior, and labels like “you’re the victim” or “you’re the bully” are strictly avoided. “I find when you label students you can’t help them,” Miller said. “In mypersonal experience I found these labels limited my ability to help a child get into a better mindset.” Miller said that while it may be easy to point out a bully’s unhealthy behavior, in reality the person being bullied is also grappling with how to communicate their feelings in the situation, and require guidance as well. Miller, who has over 30 years of experience as a teacher, a principal and a teacher’s trainer, said the key to Team Magic is teaching all children to have a greater sense of empathy towards each other. And while it’s true some children may be born with a kinder demeanor than others, empathy is not something automatically obtained at birth – nor should its absence be considered a personality flaw. “Empathy is just like learning to read: it takes repeated training and reviewing,” Miller said. “There may be stronger neuro connections in the brain of a child who is naturally kind, but ultimately any child can be taught how to be more empathetic.” It’s important for a parent to foster a good connection with their child; otherwise, if the child feels vulnerable, they may not feel supported enough to share with the parent. Parents are key to teaching their children self-esteem – which is critical for a child to ultimately withstand and recover from the emotional effects of being bullied. “Just like you stood up for yourself, it’s very important to teach students to stand up for themselves as well – and to learn things they can say or do to a bully that will diffuse the situation instantly.” In her book, Connect Four: A Strategy Manual for Parents and Teachers, Miller guides the parent on how to create this connection – step by step. “Any time a child is “too something” – too skinny, too overweight, too tall, too short – the child can become the blunt of some kind of joke. So, I think it’s important for parents to help strengthen their kid’s self-confidence. Encourage them; don’t approach the child as though the child had done something to invite being bullied. Miller said she personally experienced an encounter with a teacher who commented on a child being bullied for the unique type of boots she wore to school, “If the girl wouldn’t wear such funny boots she wouldn’t be laughed at.” Miller believes schools must train their teachers to be empathetic and to enforce policies that say ‘there is zero tolerance for bullying of any kind in their school environment.’ “The main goal (at Team Magic) is for the student being bullied to use verbal skills that do not further antagonize the bully, but also allows the child to save face, turn around, and walk away. Because ultimately a bully is just looking to have fun with this person at their expense, and if the child can diffuse this possibility in the very beginning, the bully is likely to look for another target or hopefully give up altogether. “Never tell your child to bully or insult back, because the bully wants to have fun, and will definitely have the last word. Don’t try to convince them or argue your point. Respond to a bully’s taunts with simple answers, such as, “Thanks for letting me know about that” and then turning and walking away. Many studies have confirmed that adults can experience long-term depression as a result of being bullied as a child. I personally related to Bonnie’s story of being bullied and feeling alone. I remember my first year in middle school. We moved to a new community and we were the only Black family that Iknew of. I was shocked when a car passing by while I was walking to school one morning thought it was no big deal to roll down their window and scream at me “n—r!” even though I was clearly no more than 12 or 13 years old. Despite that, I was excelling in my new school, attending advanced classes,and I had gathered attention as an aspiring artist. I drew a large urban mural that won an art competition in the local newspaper, and out of school pride, the school hung the large piece of artwork near theschool’s main entrance. Unfortunately, there was a large gang in the school, and several members of thegang took to teasing me for being Black in one of my classes. This went on nearly every day, to my embarrassment and frustration. Finally, I snapped. I